Her Entire Wedding Party is Kids! The Ultimate Guide to Kids at Weddings + Planning in Portugal

Picture this: your entire wedding party is children. No bridesmaids, no groomsmen—just kids holding your train, carrying your rings, and probably stealing the show. Sounds unconventional? That's exactly what content creator and former wedding planner Chinae Alexander is doing for her June wedding in Portugal, and honestly, I'm obsessed.

On this week's episode of The Pre Nup, I sat down with Chinae to dive deep into one of the most polarizing topics in wedding planning: the kids-at-weddings debate. But we didn't stop there—we also explored her unique approach to destination wedding planning in Portugal, navigating the tricky world of plus-ones, and why she's simultaneously planning a wedding and trying to start a family. As someone who's been a bridesmaid 13 times (yes, thirteen!), Chinae brings both professional expertise and real-world experience to the conversation.

Whether you're team kids-at-weddings or firmly in the adults-only camp, this episode will give you fresh perspectives on creating a celebration that truly reflects you as a couple.

Why Kids-Only Wedding Parties Are Having a Moment

When Chinae told me her entire wedding party consists of children ages 6 months to 20 years old, with no adult bridesmaids or groomsmen, I knew we were dealing with someone who thinks outside the wedding planning box. Her reasoning? "I've been a bridesmaid 13 times. My friends are tired, and honestly, I think when you're 39, your friends don't need to buy another Reformation dress."

This approach solves several modern wedding dilemmas at once. First, it eliminates the financial and emotional burden on friends who may have already participated in multiple weddings. Second, it creates incredibly unique photo opportunities—imagine the sweetness of children holding your train as you walk down the aisle of a Gothic Portuguese church. Finally, it allows couples to include the next generation in a meaningful way while keeping adult relationships uncomplicated.

If you're considering a kids-only wedding party, here's what to know: provide entertainment and supervision. Chinae is hiring babysitters for dinner and reception, setting up a kids' room with a projector for movie time, and ensuring parents can enjoy the celebration without constantly managing their children. It's giving your adult guests the gift of a true break while creating magical moments with the kids.

The Kids-at-Weddings Debate: Finding Your Middle Ground

Let's address the elephant in the room: should you invite kids to your wedding? The answer isn't black and white, and Chinae's perspective as both a former wedding planner and someone who genuinely enjoys children's company offers valuable insight.

"Kids doing something stupid makes a wedding funny," she shared. "I'm not too precious about it." But the key difference in her approach is intentionality. She's not dealing with surprise children showing up uninvited—she's deliberately creating a family-friendly celebration with proper planning and support systems.

The real issue isn't whether kids belong at weddings (they absolutely can), it's about setting clear expectations and planning accordingly. If you're inviting children, provide childcare during formal moments, create kid-friendly spaces with activities, and communicate your expectations to parents. If you're going child-free, be consistent across the board and communicate this clearly on your invitations.

Remember: there's a massive difference between wanting kids at your wedding and having them forced upon you by guests who ignore your wishes. The former can create beautiful, multi-generational celebrations. The latter creates stress and potential disasters.

Mastering Destination Wedding Planning in Portugal

Portugal has become the hottest European destination for weddings, and for good reason. The country offers stunning venues, rich history, incredible food, and (still) relatively reasonable prices compared to Italy or France—though Chinae warns that vendors are catching on to their popularity and pricing accordingly.

When planning a destination wedding in Portugal, timing is everything. Chinae found herself venue hunting just 100 days before her wedding, which significantly limited her options. For better selection and pricing, start your venue search at least 8-12 months in advance.

The cultural differences require patience, especially for Type A personalities. "The pace is slow," Chinae explained. "They are LAX. They don't give a f*ck." As a Virgo planning a wedding, this nearly sent her into panic mode when vendors were casually discussing pricing 40 days before the wedding. Build extra buffer time into every timeline and confirm details multiple times.

Portuguese wedding traditions also differ significantly from American customs. Traditional Portuguese weddings feature multiple courses including both fish and meat entrees, soup service at 2 AM (which Chinae is skipping), and a much more relaxed approach to timing. Consider which traditions feel authentic to your celebration and which you can adapt or skip entirely.

Navigating Plus-Ones Without Breaking Your Budget or Relationships

One of the trickiest aspects of wedding planning is determining who gets a plus-one, especially when dealing with large friend groups. Our listener "Tabitha" perfectly captured this dilemma: her fiancé wants to invite 15 college friends, but with plus-ones, that's 30 people—many of whom she's never met.

Here's the plus-one hierarchy that actually works: married couples always get invited together (non-negotiable), long-term partners who you know by name should be included, and everyone else depends on your specific situation and budget. If someone will genuinely be uncomfortable attending alone because they don't know other guests, consider offering a plus-one. But if they're part of a large friend group? They'll be fine flying solo.

The key is consistent communication. Chinae suggests texting friends directly: "Hey, we're not doing plus-ones because our guest list is tight—there are even family members we can't invite." This approach acknowledges the limitation while making it clear it's not personal.

For destination weddings specifically, the plus-one conversation becomes even more important. You're asking people to spend significant money on travel and accommodation. If they're bringing their spouse or long-term partner anyway, include them in the invitation. It's just good hosting.

Planning a Family While Planning a Wedding: The Real Talk

Here's something most wedding content doesn't address: many couples are simultaneously planning weddings and trying to start families. At 39, Chinae decided not to wait until after the wedding to start trying to conceive, and her openness about this journey provides valuable perspective for couples in similar situations.

"Things can take longer at that age, so why don't we get started sooner rather than later?" she explained. This meant telling her dress designer to leave room for potential body changes and being flexible with wedding planning timelines. The romantic possibility of being pregnant at your wedding? There are worse problems to have.

The stigma around discussing trying to conceive needs to end. By sharing her experience, Chinae has created space for other women to discuss this journey openly, receiving messages from women sharing pregnancy news they couldn't tell anyone else yet. Sometimes internet strangers become the safest space for our biggest secrets.

If you're in a similar situation, plan for flexibility in your dress, timeline, and expectations. Most importantly, don't let wedding planning stress interfere with other life goals that matter to you. The wedding is one day; your family plans are forever.

Breaking Traditional Wedding "Rules" That Don't Serve You

Throughout our conversation, Chinae consistently chose authenticity over tradition. No favors ("nobody wants your tchotchke"), phone-free ceremony (so guests actually experience the moment), kids-only wedding party, and skipping 2 AM soup service in favor of keeping people dancing.

These aren't rebellious choices—they're intentional decisions based on what actually creates joy and meaning for her specific celebration. The lesson? Every wedding tradition is optional. Keep what serves your vision, adapt what needs tweaking, and confidently skip what doesn't work for you.

Some "rules" worth questioning: escort cards vs. letting people sit where they want, traditional wedding cake vs. desserts people actually love, and formal portraits vs. candid moments. Your wedding should feel authentically like you, not like a Pinterest board come to life.

Key Takeaways

• Kids at weddings work when planned intentionally - provide supervision, entertainment, and clear expectations for parents
• Start destination wedding planning early - Portuguese venues book up faster than you think, and vendors work at a different pace
• Plus-ones should follow a hierarchy - married couples always, long-term partners you know, casual dates only if someone will be genuinely uncomfortable alone
• Communicate guest list decisions clearly - explain limitations without making exceptions feel personal
• Plan for life changes during engagement - whether that's pregnancy, job changes, or family situations
• Skip wedding elements that don't serve you - favors, traditions, timeline expectations that create stress without adding joy
• Consider phone-free ceremonies - guests will be more present, and your photos will be better

FAQ

Should I invite kids to my wedding if I want an elegant, formal celebration?

Absolutely! Kids at weddings don't automatically mean chaos. The key is intentional planning: hire babysitters for formal moments, create kid-friendly spaces with activities, and communicate expectations clearly to parents. Chinae's approach of providing dedicated childcare during dinner allows parents to enjoy an elegant experience while kids are supervised and entertained.

How do I handle plus-one requests for a destination wedding in Portugal?

For destination weddings, prioritize married couples and long-term partners since guests are already investing significantly in travel. For casual relationships, explain that space is limited and even some family members couldn't be invited. Most people understand destination wedding constraints better than local celebrations.

What should I know about planning a wedding in Portugal as an American?

Start planning 8-12 months early as venues book quickly. Expect a slower pace from vendors—confirm details multiple times and build buffer time into deadlines. Portuguese weddings traditionally include multiple courses and different timing, but you can adapt traditions to fit your preferences. Budget for rising prices as Portugal's wedding popularity increases.

Is it rude to have a kids-only wedding party instead of adult bridesmaids?

Not at all! This approach actually relieves friends from bridesmaid expenses and responsibilities while creating unique photo opportunities. If you have close relationships with children in your life and they're excited to participate, it can be incredibly meaningful. Just ensure proper supervision and age-appropriate responsibilities.

How do I tell guests about a child-free wedding without seeming harsh?

Be clear and consistent in your communication. Include "adults-only celebration" on invitations and consider a brief explanation like "Due to venue limitations, we're having an adults-only celebration." Stick to your decision across all guest categories to avoid appearing arbitrary or personal.

This post is based on an episode of The Pre Nup: A Wedding Planning Podcast. Follow us @the_pre_nup on Instagram and TikTok, and listen wherever you get your podcasts.